So I created another blog. Didn't really want to start blogging on the other blogs I have especially since it's been three years since I last posted on any of them. So hence the new blog. I am really jaded when it comes to adoption. Right now I am of the opinion that adoption sucks. There is this forum that I occasionally visit and lately I am starting to feel like it is first moms vs adoptive parents. It shouldn't be that way. I mean come on. Without us they wouldn't be adoptive parents. I'm not even sure that makes sense. But oh well its my blog I can say what I want.
I'm just fed up with the whole "adoption is great. What a wonderful thing you've done for your child" feelings that most of the the world has. Yeah it doesn't feel wonderful. I want to kick people when they say that crap to me. I know they mean well but I just want them to shut up. They don't know what its like and never will (hopefully although an evil part of me hopes that someday they do.) Well I think I better go to bed. Got a busy day ahead of me.
Adoption is complicated. And you are right it sucks. It sucks all around. I never expected that. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Sometimes I feel guilty that I adopted. Like I'm the direct reason of the pain and grief. I feel guilty how much I love my daughter. How I view myself as her mother. Because I do everything a mother does. How I see all her firsts and not her birth mom. And then I get mad too. I get mad that her birthmom cannot even write one lousey letter to our daughter or make her a scrapbook like she promised and how she's pregnant again and what the heck will I tell my daughter about why she was placed for adoption but not the 2nd kid? And then I cry because I feel guilty for feeling angry and it is just plain ole exhausting.
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